Resistance vs Existance

Robin Williams hung himself.

Robin Williams stand up Home Box Office 1977

And like the rest of America, I am searching his stand-up routines on YouTube.
The old ones from the '70's when he wore tight t-shirts and suspenders.
It is 6 am and I'm laughing out-loud in my pj's.

I can see how his mind worked in a radial pattern out in 13 directions all simultaneous and connected. This is the mind of an artist. It can be torturous, ridiculous, inspiring and exhausting. Through such eyes the world is either bright with meaning or void of it. When the fireworks go out and too much time passes between explosions, I get scared. I am afraid the light was never real in the first place.

That's the trick about light and water and love, the elements we need to survive.
They are transient...always in flux...and we are left to chase them...or give up.
If I am lucky, I can find them in the same place for a long time.
However some days I look in the "Light spot" or the "Love spot" or the "Art spot" only to find it empty.
Then I am forced to adapt, to learn something new, or let my soul turn to a wad of cold oatmeal.

As I watch Robin Williams sweat against his tight t-shirt and howl into the audience I think,
"He did it for a long time."

I also understand, it is a privilege to make stuff.  
I don't know how long I will be aloud to do it. 
There is a great tide pulling me away from making art, and from writing.
My professor in college called it Resistance.
This reference is from a book called:  The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield.

http://www.stevenpressfield.com/the-war-of-art/#book-top

plein-air painting in France 2007

Today I am going to buy this book...5 years after my professor told me to read it.
I suffered from Resistance in college.
I thought it was college's fault, this paralyzing of creativity...this pressure.
However it has followed me.  It is a part of the world, and it hides in my laundry basket.
I am learning how to act in opposition to it.
I am getting stronger.  
I never would have resolved to buy this book, had I not sat down at my computer to write this morning.
The creative process only yields when I engage and when I act.
I will learn this 1,000 times until I die.