| Dali |
It doesn't feel like such a triumph to tell the truth this time.
I could have believed it was a one time thing.
I could have forgiven myself just once.
Now this is actually the 3rd time.
I want to be able to cry - or be assured it won't happen again.
I want someone to tell me the nightmare is over and caress my forehead like my Mom used to.
It's not so much a nightmare though...just surreal and lonely...as if living in a Dali painting.
I feel drippy and mixed up and I swear someone is squeezing something out of my nipple against my will.
I have no eyes but instead a few stitches of thread. My mouth is gaping open. I am fighting against myself and I don't know where I am.
I tried to look into Beckam's baby eyes and have them save me. As I pushed him in the swing through twilight I prayed. Then I plotted:
"Sophie will be back from picking apricots in about 2 minutes. I can't justify leaving him out here swinging all alone...why not? It will only take a minute or three to get it all out. No. I can't leave him swinging here."
| Volkswagon ripping off Dali |
Why do I have to switch off and mindlessly fill my mouth with things I don't even really like? Macaroni and cheeze?
I have nothing uplifting to tell myself.
I can only say that I am sorry.
I am sorry, Sarah.
 |
| Dali |
I just barked at Sophie.
She wanted to build a tent with her friend.
"Just go away!" I said.
Now she is in the shower.
I get to go apologize to her too.
I get to live in my broken skin.
I am afraid for Andrew to come home and see it in my eyes.
 |
| Dali |
yes it is too bad we cannot all be perfect all the time. too bad life is somewhat like a Dali painting sometimes. it sometimes is ugly and gross. shameful and foreign, and it makes your skin crawl. and u feel like you dont know your body at all.
ReplyDeletebut sometimes it is not. sometimes its beautiful. fun, crazy, and unexpected. and its surprises us to find people can be much more gentle and forgiving than we gave them credit for. if we just show them the soft vulnerable inside, they seem to sense how precious it is to us. and how scared we are to show our not so flattering details. they seem to understand because they too, are human. and they too are scared.
Nennie
ReplyDeleteI actually thought of you before I wrote this. You are the reason I wrote this. I thought, "Nennie just keeps telling the truth and she keeps trying. Even though you have admitted to falling down 100 times, she keeps getting back up." I can't brush this under the run. I love Nennie for the way she is, so people can accept it in me too. I am able to love you because you don't hide.
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