I hope you...

I hope you find what you are looking for, she says.
a polite dismissal, or a sincere intention, perhaps.
A perfectly socially acceptable thing to say in parting.
But I want to roar back at her, bearing my teeth and yellow eyes.

We both know this is not what life is about
How dare you dilute me this way
How convenient...
a consolation prize for the half-assed house wife
Now she can sit in her "Chair" and watch her "Shows"

If you know me at all...you know,
I hope to never arrive in The Land of What I was Looking For
I hope to run the desert in bare feet until it burns my toes and I ache for an oasis
I hope my hair is dirty and my skin is golden
I hope I jump into unexpected pools of water regardless of what I am wearing...or not wearing.

I hope that one song makes me cry every time I hear it.
I hope I can still smile at teenagers skipping class cuz their souls are on fire
and all they can do is smoke cigarettes behind trees in public parks

I hope I round the corner of my pen and reveal frightening things. embarrassing things.
things most people would skip over and not write down at all,
things I didn't want to see, and needed to see
things that force my breath to intake sharply and tears to fall when I read them out loud
I hope my voice grows thicker and becomes that of a woman I have never known
I hope she lets pools of her own blood fall behind her without apologizing for the mess.

I hope I make the doctors angry and the nurses smirk when I won't listen

I hope I don't know my husband yet, or my children yet, or you...
and that we all surprise each other

I hope I accidentally cut myself while slicing carrots for dinner.

So while I appreciate your good intention, friend
You can have it
I hope you smile when I hand back it to you
and walk away empty handed, roar still echoing.
I hope you know me better
than to wish me a mundane life

For you I wish the unexpected and the glorious...