I'm taking my ball and...

"I am fat today."
Thank you, Lydia.
Do you ever have anything else to say?

I just took a shower.
Lydia told me my stomach is getting thicker.
I can't decide if I believe her or not.
After all these years...after all I know...I still get confused.
My body has morphed 12 times today, and I don't know what is real.
I can't always comfort Lydia, I can't always love her.
Sometimes.  Like now.  I just want to tell her to shut-up and push her down.
I watch my 3 year old, Pepper do this when she is tired.
She picks fights.
I want to pick a fight with Lydia.
I don't want to be kind, or understand.
I just want her to stop taking things from me.
I want her to stop picking on me and making me cry.
I want to push her down and take my stuff back.
I want to hide out in my fort with my pudgy arms folded across my chest and my chin tucked in tight.
I want to sit in there until a new story unravels.
Hopefully it will involve running through clean air on strong legs.
There will be a sunrise and I will shoot my body straight into it with all the music pushing me faster.
I will breath and breath and breath and nothing will catch me.
I will outrun it all. In front of me will be only possiblility rolled out like a red carpet.
At the end I will arrive with floppy legs and a heart that remembers.

So instead, I will go to bed, and see if I love her in the morning.
I will decide if I'm actually fat when I wake up.
Good night.